Monday, December 4, 2006

10 Tips To Pimp Out Yo Pad

Ever wonder why the night goes well, she comes back to your house and decides to call it a night? Pimpin' out is the art of making something that would not even attract a fly, attract women by the hordes. You don't need a degree in interior decorating or be a master of Feng Shui to become a pimp. With these easy tips, you can set the mood right, and let her know what a Rico Suave you are when it comes time to go to your place.

1. Clean Up Your Pad- So you live in a garbage yard? Time to get to cleaning. If your date walks into your house and it looks like World War 3 just erupted in your room, she is going to think the same of your life. Stop sending those poor girls the wrong signal and let them know how well put together you are by at least keeping your place clean. If your living room is a mess, good luck getting her to your bed room!

2. Stop Working Out In Your Room- Rule #1 of Feng Shui is to keep your work at work, and your exercise out of your room. By working out in your room, you bring work heavy vibes into the room. Keep the room mellow, relaxed, and ready for love.

3. Ex Does Not Mark The Spot- As much as you're being a wuss and holding on to past experiences, It's time to move on buddy. Just like the don't talk about your Ex on a date rule, the same applies in your bedroom. Get rid of your Ex memorbilia and trading cards and move on with life!

4. Get Rid Of Those Debbie Downer Vibes- Anything related to bad vibes, negative energy, or just plain stress needs to be removed from your bedroom. The worse thing you could possibly want is a drunk girl who is now getting depressed because of the emo poems you hung on your wall.

5. Get A T.V. For Your Room- As old an cliche at it sounds, a scary movie will always get the touching going. Go as far as setting your living room t.v. to be "broken" whenever is needed. As smooth as you are, a drunk roommate coming home at 2 A.M. will kill any heat you and your date have in that moment.

6. Get A Bed That Says I Am I Lover Not A Wuss Ditch that toy story covered bunk bed. It is time for a real bed. Get at least a full sized bed, preferably a California King. Get a Man's bed with some solid dark colors. The lower the bed, the more fun you can have without having to worry about injury.

7. Bed Placement The where of the bed is just as important as what kind of bed it is. Place the bed in the center of the room. The bedroom is the place for one thing and one thing alone... ok, fine you can sleep in there too. As much as you love playing those life wasting computer MMORPG games, take the focus off of your "oh so cool" computer and put it where it counts.

8. Set The Mood You don't have to risk burning your house down. Head to your local IKEA lighting section and get some ambient lighting for your room. Instead of big workshop flourescent light, think sexy, relaxed, japanese style floor lamp. Just don't over do it and turn your bedroom into a disco dance floor.

9. Paint The Right Picture Sure you might have a retarded coin collection that you think is cool and she came up to look at it. Clarify your intention and get to the point. She is not in your room, on your bed so you can chicken out or send mixed messages. It's time to be straight with her and let your intentions flow. Start off with a I'll massage you and you massage me deal. After that, things will get going on their own.

10. Music, Not Chocolate Is The Way To A Woman's Heart or wherever else you want to go. Invest in a good sound system for your room. I have a 500 watt, dolby 5.1 surround system that can bang out anything from classical music to Led Zepplin. After you get your sound system, take the time to make a cd or playlist that'll have tunes that fit the situation.
...See the Tips Here

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

hehe...that was rather entertaining to read. I gotta room is pretty perfect then having read that. even got the 505 Watt surround sound system :)

August 17, 2009 at 12:16:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Mitch said...


March 27, 2012 at 2:06:00 AM PDT  

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